Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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