Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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