I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize