Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
