Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
