hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
