His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
