explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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