he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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