We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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