we're blogging at a bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
