I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
