dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
