Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
