Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
