i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize