ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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