Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize