Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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