I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
