Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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