dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
