She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
