i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
