Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
