I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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