I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
