come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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