i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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