she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
