i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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