he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
