it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
