Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
