I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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