I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
