ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
