meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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