Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
