Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm passing your future prison.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
