I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize