I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
