Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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