Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
