woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
