did you get engaged???
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize