It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am one with the molecules
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
