But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
