opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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