I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
