Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
