We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
