Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
