Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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