You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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