Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
