How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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