I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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